Saturday, November 27, 2010


I feel like I may be loosing some...

I might as well be an alien on another planet, when I think of what I might have in common with the friends I used to have. It ought to make anyone a little blue. But we do have lots in common! I am still the same in many ways! Maybe it's more about having experiences each other can relate to and understand. And it's not as if it's easy to tell whose going to get this, and who isn't. It is even hard for me to understand. Maybe that's why I feel like sometimes I can't communicate. I think there is more I have to learn. It sometimes feels like trying to learn another language. And after I learn it, I have to learn to translate it into a language that can be understood by others. Otherwise I will just continue to rely on those few friends I am so thankful for, who do seem to get it, maybe because they can relate or maybe because they just know how to read my face and my emotions when I am talking to them. Maybe they are strong enough to just listen and give me validation without having to justify it, or make sense of everything. But if I keep relying on those few who can adequately interpret my tone and expression, I will still feel alien to those who don't, or at least haven't yet. And I will continue to miss them. I don't know if it is me or them who is supposed to bridge the gap. I think it has to be both. I sometimes feel like I am screaming and no one can hear me.

1 comment:

  1. You will find that your circle of friends will change when you have an illness... visible or invisible. Some friends just don't understand and can't cope with what you are going through. I completely understand! Be thankful for the few close friends you have and who stick with you. It's the ones who are there unconditionally who are the real friends. And the friends still with you in the end may surprise the heck out of you!!