This morning I cried while trying to hang a picture frame that had fallen off the wall, cause of the pain in my left shoulder when I lifted it, and the tingling in my fingers, and the curling, and tensing up; the strange way I am beginning to hold my arm so I don't further injure it, almost cradling it, "t-rex arm", I've been calling it.
Today a stranger told me I am lucky to be young. People are always telling me I look great. I wish looks corresponded with feelings. Dani is always saying it would be great if all the parts of me that are sore turned purple, so the doctors would actually be concerned.
Less horrible than the pain, but also scary to think about are the parts of me I just can't feel as well as I used to, the way my feet fall asleep while I am standing on them, how parts of my skin are always slightly numb. Particularly my legs, as it feels like I am always wearing knee high stockings. I find myself confused by this, wondering how the feeling in my legs can just start to disappear like this. I wonder if it's worth it to hope that it could ever return.